Martha Will NOT Be Coming to Dinner

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration that has been hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it's a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming or that the tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning this: Do not, under any circumstances enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

Oh before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie. Garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will have a choice. Take it or leave it.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. Come to think of it, she probably won't make it next year either. I am thankful!

Happy Thanksgiving!

OK, so you may have already seen this going around. Isn't it GREAT?! Sometimes we need a good laugh as we enter this crazy season. Fun, but crazy, season!

Monday's Random Musings

Mrs. Nurse Boy here.

Here is my first edition of Monday's Random Musings. On Mondays I struggle to put together coherent thoughts. I think it is because the house is a mess and the laundry is always piled high from the weekend. So, I thought it would be a great excuse to put together something random every Monday. It was either that or not blog. Come on, you know you wanted me to blog, right? Don't answer that.

This Monday I actually have a theme to my randomness. Or, is it a method to my madness? Whatever it is, stay with me.

We have three birthdays in November. Yes, THREE. Then add Thanksgiving. We are broke every year before we even hit December. This weekend we celebrated both Dimples and Bruiser's birthdays with the family. Here are some random thoughts regarding the celebration:

** Every year the boys request a certain type of cake to be made by their beloved Bubby. Nurse Boy and I always try to get the boys to request something next to impossible for her to make. We like to watch her sweat. She prides herself in her state of the art cakes for her grandchildren. Truth be told, it has created wonderful memories. Not to mention, it has freed up a lot of my time. This year they asked for an Indianapolis Colts cake. They LOVED the end result! Next year, Nurse Boy and I think they should ask for a Millennium Falcon cake! (Think Star Wars, for those of you not in the "know.") That should make her sweat...

** Dimples ended up with lots of Star Wars stuff. That George Lucas is a genius. He has managed to make fans out of yet another generation. I remember my brother playing with the very same stuff. It seems like only yesterday he was Luke Skywalker defending himself against the dark side. Oh, wait... that WAS yesterday. Dimples had to pry the toys out of his uncle's hands repeatedly this weekend.

** Bruiser ended up with Batman toys. I have spent the last 48 hours listening to imaginary sounds of bombs, punching, flying, and evil, bad guy voices coming from my 6 year old. I can't wait for My Little Pony and Barbies! Are girls really that noisy? Maybe it is just the lack of violence that makes them seem more quiet while they brush hair and pretend to keep house.

** We don't have anymore room for toys, so I am trying to convince the boys that they don't need any Christmas presents. It isn't working.

** Sweet Pea got so overwhelmed while the boys unwrapped one boy toy after another that she started setting up a tea party in the middle of the bat winged/dark side festivities.

** Lastly, I am not sure if I will ever get the blue icing off of anything it touched this weekend. Thanks, Bubby! I think Sweet Pea still has blue highlights in her hair. We won't even discuss my laundry...

Happy Birthday, Dimples and Bruiser!! You are both a gift from God and a blessing to all of us! You bring joy to my life each and every day!!!

Friday Fare!

Mrs. Nurse Boy here.

So, here it is! My first Friday Fare. I really do hope this helps someone, anyone, who might be stuck in a rut. I've been there. What am I talking about? I don't even know what we are having for dinner TONIGHT. I am there!

Let me start off by saying that I will be sharing our favorite chicken recipes each Friday. These are recipes that I have made MILLIONS of times (or so it seems). However, these are not necessarily items that are requested by anyone under the age of 10 in our home. They do eat it. Most of the time. And, sometimes, without tears or gaging.

The thing most requested around here is to eat OUT. Aren't they sweet? I love them. I really do. Just not at mealtime.

My children think a chicken nugget is heaven on a plate. I do not. However, I DO have a chicken tender recipe that is much healthier than the ones that are deep fried and served via drive thru. They have decided they can stomach that recipe, but nothing compares to the golden arches. Grrr...

So, today I will start off with a staple recipe here in the Nurse Boy family. It is simple, easy, tasty, and something that can be adapted to your family's preferences. I should also say that we are all wimps when it comes to hot and spicy. We are a mild kind of family. You can add all the kick you want, you just won't find it in my recipes.

Chicken Soft Tacos

1 lb. boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into strips
1 cup thick-n-chunky salsa (I use mild.)
1 pkg (1 1/4 oz.) taco seasoning mix
2 cups minute rice, uncooked (I use brown rice)
flour tortillas (I use 6 to 8 inch)
**optional: I add a can of rinsed black beans at the very end. (Beans are like sponges when it comes to cholesterol, so we try to put them in as much stuff as we can. We have found black beans to be our favorite.)

1. Heat chicken in a skillet until lightly browned. (Use a little oil, if you like. I like to sprinkle some chili powder or taco seasoning mix on the chicken while it is cooking to give it flavor.)
2. Add 2 cups water, salsa, and seasoning mix; stir. Bring to a boil.
3. Stir in rice, cover. Cook on low heat 5 minutes (a little longer for brown rice). (I add the black beans after this step.)

All finished! Place mixture in tortillas. Top with cheese and sour cream! I have even been known to freeze the left over mixture and use it again later on in the month. I reheat it on the stove top and add a little more salsa to it.

This recipe is ranked edible by all in our house. And, that is saying something!

I hope it is a hit at your house. If not, just LOOK AWAY while they gag.

My Girl

Mrs. Nurse Boy here.

We have spent numerous Sunday nights taking our kiddos to church to practice for the annual Christmas program. As most of you know, this church is new to us. Rumor has it this program is something to behold. It is very organized and the kids have to practice at home every week.

The boys are having the time of their lives and they can't wait to get on the stage. They know their parts and eagerly practice each week.

Sweet Pea is another story all together.

She is only two and a half, but she has me a little worried. Yes, she does "practice" her song in class every Sunday night. We have been instructed to have them dressed in their Sunday best on the day of the production. Since she is our only girl, you can bet that I will have her in glitter from head to toe. Hey, a girl has to shine! And, I have had my fair share of ties. Handsome... yes. Show stopping...NO.

I digress. I am just a little excited about the holiday dresses.

The other day we were "practicing" her song. She sang NOT ONE WORD. She smiled. She picked her nose. She lifted her dress. She did a little dance, without rhythm of any kind. (She takes after her dad... with her rhythm, I mean.)

It frightens me.

I am afraid that this year it is going to be MY child on the stage that everyone says, "I feel sorry for HER mom. Thank goodness that isn't my child up there."

At least she will look cute, right?!

Bitter Over the Cold

Mrs. Nurse Boy here.

The other day when we were out in the cold running errands, Bruiser asked me a question. With a very serious face and tone of voice he says,

"Mom, did Satan make cold weather?"

Hmmm....

Why, yes, come to think of it, I think he did. He enjoys it when we experience what it is like to be a piece of meat left in the freezer, spend countless hours hunting down matching pairs of mittens and gloves, and waste our money on winter boots that no one wants to wear. He loves to see us wrap up our little ones in layer after layer of clothing only to hear the dreaded words, "I have to go to the bathroom!" And, how about all the time we spend in the bitter cold scraping our windows and warming up our cars?

I am with Bruiser. I hate the cold. It must have been invented by Satan himself.

I am holding out that Nurse Boy is going to afford us a winter home in Florida in the near future.

I like to dream BIG...

Cluck, Cluck!

Mrs. Nurse Boy here.

One of Nurse Boy's favorite movies is Forrest Gump. It is a classic. Besides the whole, "Life is like a box of chocolates...," my favorite scene was when they were talking about all of the different ways shrimp can be prepared. Don't remember the scene? Well, the man just rambles on and on forever naming shrimp dishes.

What is my point? I can do that with chicken.

We eat chicken most nights. My kids hate ground beef and are willing to tolerate chicken. Chicken is good for us, versatile, and affordable. I try to prepare it various ways, in hopes that noone will tire of it. I have come to the realization that my list of chicken recipes goes on and on and on and on. Most nights the kids will ask what's for dinner. I always answer chicken. Not missing a beat, they demand, "What kind of chicken?'

I still have a point.


Starting this Friday, I will begin hosting Friday Fare. I will share one chicken recipe each Friday. Hopefully, I can put some chicken on your table too!

Starting next week I will also share a special post each Monday entitled Monday's Random Musings. Not as catchy, I know.

You may have noticed that I have taken over Nurse Boy's blog. He has promised he will be back when school and work are seemingly light. He will join me when he can, but for now I will just make myself at home.

The Question

Nurse Boy here. I know, two posts in a row! I am procrastinating on my assignment that I should be working on...

Most of you probably think it is a good idea to have your kid read the Bible. Filling your kid with the word of God is usually a good thing. Well, Dimples has been reading the Bible on his own for the last couple of weeks. He has finished Genesis. He noticed something that he was unfamiliar with so he asked his Bible teacher in school.

What is sexual relations?

His bible teacher told him that was a very important question, and that he should ask his mom and dad. So, as soon as he got in the car with Mrs. NB that afternoon he asks, "What is sexual relations?" I am not sure what her exact words were, but it created doubt in Dimples that the Mrs. even knew what it was. She did tell him that I would talk to him about about it.

Mrs. NB gave me a heads up, so as soon as I got home from work I had Dimples, who is turning nine on Saturday, come up to my room with me while I changed my clothes. I am not quite as shy about the subject as Mrs. NB. In fact she was trying to coach me to not say too much. I had been looking forward to this subject for a while, so she was trying to curb my enthusiasm. I started out basic, but he was having none of it. There were a lot of hows, and whys, and uncomfortable smiling, and some expressions of horror. We laughed, he cried, and then asked, "So you and mom have had sexual relations three times then?"

No.

How many times?

More than three... You see it doesn't always take the first time, and besides husband and wives like to have sexual relations.

Do you still?

Yes.

Is that why you had your thing cut?

Yes.

I explained that he will think of it as a good thing eventually. We went into a lot of specifics and he was satisfied.

I feel proud and sad at the same time. There is a whole lot of innocence that is gone now. The beautiful thing is that my eight year old just learned the facts of life by reading the Bible and asking the right people questions. That is how it is supposed to be. There is no shame and minimal discomfort surrounding the topic. He knows it is not a topic to talk to just anyone about, but knows he can come to me and ask any question that he has. He did tonight while typing this post. He asked, "So how do you know you are going to do it, does God just make your parts ready and then bam, you have to do it?" I apparently wasn't clear about getting to the point where he will want to when he is older. I don't know if it is the nurse in me, or just being the sexual relations enthusiast that I am, but I loved this conversation.

Mrs. NB is still in the fetal position and has not been able to make eye contact with Dimples for the last couple of days. She will need to get over it in time for Sweet Pea. That's six years of prep. I don't think she will be ready.