~Poop On Jelly~

Our Family's Bitter/Sweet Life

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Coach Brad

Dimples plays soccer, and he plays it well. Today, I filled in for his coach who was out of town. I paced the sidelines and barked out orders to the players. I stayed positive for the majority of the time, but I did have a lapse. I will start at the beginning of the story. In the under 8 league you have four players on the field and you are not allowed to have a goalie. This is makes it so that the players learn the basic skills of soccer and don't get pegged in any certain positions before they are out of early elementary school. I agree with these rules. They also have a semicircle in front of each goal. If the defense touches the ball inside that circle it is a goal. If the offense touches the ball in the circle it is a goal kick not a goal. So the team that we played today stationed a player just outside of the line in front of the goal the entire game. For those of you who are not familiar with soccer, that is a goalie. The twelve year old ref did not instruct the coach to not do this. I understand, he is twelve, and the coach for the other team was Satan's wife. I would avoid any contact with her also for fear of my face melting. This is the natural reaction of human flesh after exposure to pure evil. Anyway, their illegal goalie was behind the line almost the entire game after repeated shot attempts by our players. No call. Twice in the second half our player kicked the ball out of bounds when the ball was inside the circle. The ball was not going into the goal either time. Both times a goal was awarded to the other team. The second time I looked at the ref and said you have go to be kidding. The parents also stood up and said not nice things. I don't know what they said but it was not uplifting. I feel ashamed now. That ref should have called the game differently, but both calls that he made were technically correct. My frustration is that the other team violated the spirit of the rules the whole game and was never called on it, and my team violated some technical aspects of the rules and were punished. But, he was twelve, or close to that age. We don't keep score. (the kids do though) I often judge coaches who get to involved in the game in our league, but I suppose I should not judge so quickly. I will do better next time.

On a lighter side, I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read:
What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?
That makes me laugh.

I also go a job offer yesterday. It was for $6.00 an hour less than what I am making. $6.00 an hour is more than most teachers make. Just ask my wife.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Peck Vocabulary

Chaos Jamie recently posted about her daughter's advanced vocabulary and it got me thinking about my own kids' advanced vocabulary. One word the boys often use is Bathower. Yes, this is so advanced you can't find it in most dictionaries. My kids don't like showers, the prefer the more traditional bath. To appease them, I take a shower with them, with the tub plugged. This would obviously be called a bathower. They will use this term like it is mainstream English with friends and family. That makes me happy. We will address the fact that I still take showers with the boys in therapy later, but not until then.

Another phrase that the boys feel is normal is a poop run. I ask the boys to make poop runs on a daily basis. The old lady thinks that when Sweat Pea poops you wrap it up in a plastic bag and throw it beside the front steps. Our trash is kept on the side of the house. The flies are fond of this system, but I am not. I don't know how the visitors and the neighbors feel because nobody has addressed it. I use the more sophisticated method of forcing one of the boys to take the diaper to the side of the house and put it in the trash can. I try to use the boys' need to compete with each other as motivation to acquire volunteers for this job. When this does not work I use threats of harm and loss of desserts. Today, I overheard Bruiser mutter under his breath "I hate poop runs". Again, that makes me happy. I'm not sure why, but it does. It reminds me of a conversation that I had with a kid at church who was about 10 years old at the time. I asked him if he knew what the Dewy Decimal System was. He did not, but about a half and hour later he slipped and fell on the playground and he muttered under his breath, "stupid Dewy Decimal".
So, my kids do not have a particularly advanced vocabulary, but they will end up with a different vocabulary, and they don't even know it.

On a different note, I have been looking to see if there are any job opportunities out there and I am coming across a problem. There is a job that is with a manager that I like and respect and could learn a lot from. The problem is the job is 40 minutes away in good traffic. It is also in a small hospital and I don't want to lose the excitement that the bigger medical center brings. It will be interesting to see if this is Gods plan for me.

Saturday, August 4, 2007


The wife tried to log on to comment on my blog yesterday. She knows all of the log on information, but still was unable to log on. It is kind of nice to know that I can say anything without her being able to rebut. She reminded me of when I was in college attending Indiana University, the greatest university on the planet. We were heading for a family reunion. It was time to get in the car and head out, and my Grandmother went to sit in the car. Yes, in protest, and I went to the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal. The wife asked me why I was pouring a bowl of cereal when it was time to go. She did not know my family. My mom continued to pack the rest of what was needed, and my dad continued to carry it out to the car. I continued to scarf my cereal, and then like every car trip over three minutes my mother had to go to the bathroom at the last minute. I drank the sugar milk at the bottom of the bowl and placed it in the dishwasher. The wife and I then went to the car and buckled in. Not the last to the car. I thought the wife was impressed with my timing. She was actually disgusted with the way I ate my cereal.

She still is.

All that said, I come by the going to the car in protest honestly. I learned it from my grandmother.

Dimples had his one week setback like the doctor said he would, but he is already doing better again. He will get to go to church tomorrow if he can swallow his saliva while there. I think he will be able to do it.

I let sweat pea fall off the bed yesterday. She did not thank me for it. She still has a sore shoulder. The wife and I contemplated taking her to urgent care at the local children's hospital, but we decided against it when she giggled over getting a sucker. Our boys did not know suckers existed at her age. That is the difference when you have the third.