~Poop On Jelly~

Our Family's Bitter/Sweet Life

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Christmas Update

We got a digital camera for Christmas, so I can be more high tech in my blogs now. One day I may try to figure out how to put a movie on my blog, since our camera has that capability. That will have to be a day that I have an over abundance of patience. That means that I will have to have had no contact with people for at least 24 hours. Not sure when that will be. Anyway, Christmas was great. I was on call, but did not have to go in. The kids loved their presents. The old lady and I loved them also. We tried to keep Jesus as the main focus, but that may have been lost a time or two. Here are some pictures to show you how Christmas went.

Christmas eve service. Sweet Pea loves to pose with her brothers.

The boys enjoy some of their presents. So does Papa in the backround

Sweat Pea gets her stroller, the rest of us no longer matter.

Except when she needs her next gift out of the box.

Here is the post Christmas fit. The only question each year is how many kid's will throw it.

All that work and expense and it is over in a flash. Well about a thousand flashes since dimples got a camera also.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Clam Chowder Anyone?

I woke up on Saturday morning about 4:30 a.m. I had a taste in my mouth that tasted like the stomach contents that I had been cleaning up for the previous 48 hours. I proceeded to sit in the bathroom for an hour and dry heaved a couple of times. I guess I just don't know how to "barf". I then sat up in a chair for another hour and went back to bed.

I slept until noon.

I haven't slept until noon since my freshman year in college. I then ate two pieces of pizza and a bowl of clam chowder. Then some cookies. Then I watched my Hoosiers dismantle the Kentucky inbreeders in college basketball. If that is sick, then I want some more. I don't know what the old lady has been whining about. I can say that since she already hates me.

I missed my work Christmas party today. I was too busy taking care of a lady who swallowed her packing gauze that was in her mouth after a tooth extraction. It was lodged in her esophagus. I love foreign body retrievals! My favorite was a psych patient who swallowed things for attention/to hurt herself. She swallowed pencils, batteries, pens, earrings, a wrist watch. My favorite was a pin, about the size of a quarter. It said something. It was not clear since the folds of her stomach were obscuring the words. We inflated with air. We could then slowly make out the words. "Jesus is the reason for the season." I guess she did not read it before she swallowed it.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Last Man Standing

Well, Dimples is now barfing. I am now the only person in my family that has not thrown up in the past 24 hours. What are the odds of me making it through this?

The points against are that I have been in contact with a lot of barf in the last 24 hours. I also am a bit nauseated, but maybe that's because I have been in contact with a lot of barf in the last 24 hours.

The points for are that I have not thrown up due to illness since I was in kindergarten.

Will I succumb?

Still Sick

So, last night Bruiser started throwing up. Sweat Pea threw up some more in her bed, and on me. Then some more on me. And now the old lady is throwing up. And since I feel sorry for Bruiser, I have to watch the Wonder Pets all day. I think that might make me throw up.

Speaking of throwing up, a friend of ours has this same plague going around their house. Their almost five year old came up to their bed room and said his "stomach hurt". That is the kiss of death by the way. "My stomach hurts daddy", no other words strike more fear into me than those. Anyway, these friends steered their son into the bathroom. The kid got sick in the toilet and the splash effect was easy to clean up. They were congratulating themselves on a quick response, and were verbalizing their relief. Their son then says, "yeah, I didn't throw up much at all. I threw up a whole bunch down stairs".

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


My little girl has been throwing up through the night and morning.

The Puking has stopped.

The Diarrhea has started.

I need to go back to work.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

I hate using lotion. I don't know why. I used to think that it was girly or something. I guess most of the lotion that I grew up around was scented and that is where I came up with that. It may be that in my teenage years my skin was so oily that if I used lotion my clothes would just slip off of me. My hair was thick then also, so I don't know why I did not think my skin would change too. So in the last couple of years my hands, face, arms and back have been getting so dry I can't stand to sit around in my own skin. So I have gotten by my pre-conceived notions about lotion and started using it. I just use whatever the old lady has around, so yes it is scented usually. Anybody got a problem with that?

I work with a lot of patients with liver disease in my line of work. If these patients have a blockage in their bile duct, or have end stage liver disease (ESLD), they develop jaundice. Most of you probably know that is when their skin and eyes turn yellow. Often people get this liver disease because of exposure to Hepatitis B or Hepatitis C. So I have to protect myself to try to prevent getting these diseases. Yesterday I noticed my skin looked a little jaundice. Just a hint. I deal with most health problems with a handy tool I like to call denial. My wife is a bit of a hypocodriac, so we are a great pair. When the kids are sick she is sure they are dying, and I think they should walk it off.

So the wife put lotion on my back last night since I can't stand wearing clothes anymore, due to my alligator skin. Nudism is not really an option for me, so I needed the lotion. About 6:00 a.m. my wife went to the bathroom and noticed that she had streaks on her arms. Then she realized that my lotion had self tanner in it. When she told me, I knew where my jaundice had been coming from.

Did I mention that I have been putting some lotion on my dry face?

So I now look like George Hamilton, and my hate for lotion has been renewed.

Nudism, here I come.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Nursery Boy

My wife is the director of the nursery at my church. That means that I have to work the nursery some, errrr, a lot! I enjoy it on Wednesday nights. Sunday is a different story. I listen longingly as praise and worship plays on the speakers on Sunday.

But that is not what this blog is about. This blog is about Wednesday night. I worked with another man tonight. He is my father's age. He is one of my role models, since he is amazing with the kids. He has fun with them, while at the same time he has expectations of them. Anyway, tonight was a big night. We recently changed the rules so we now have 18 months until age 4. The 3 year olds can go to preschool if they are potty trained and can sit through a lesson. Needless to say, we have a couple of three year old hold outs. One of them gets dropped off poopy 75% of the time. The kid is as big as Kevin James. I did not know they made size 40 diapers. I think they correspond with waist size. Anyway, this kid fights every time you change his diaper. I am not talking whining and kicking. I'm saying the kid moves like a ninja and has the power of a sumo. A sumo with poop in his thong.

Anyway, that is not what this blog is about either. This blog is about a little girl who does not like people she does not know. This girl is watched by a woman in our church. She does not want to be dropped off in the nursery. She typically cries and flintches from the workers until they get her child care provider out of pitty. Tonight, she was dropped off and we were told that she does not like men much and we should get a woman. First of all, that girl does not like people. And second, we should get a woman? Like we stash women in the back that we can tag out with when the going gets tough. Mr. Chuck and Nurse Boy are pro's, though. We don't need no stinkin' woman. Get a WOMAN? We had those ten kids forgettin they had parents tonight. The girl ended up having fun, and she even gave us five before the night was over. This from a girl who would hide in her hands if you said her name. So, the moral of this blog is: Women are overrated.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Some out takes from our recent picture shoot.

This is the natural result of telling an eight year old to say "hairy pizza"!

I'm done!

I have been on sabbatical for a while. I have changed jobs, and am now working at St. Mary's Hospital. It is a smaller hospital, but I get to do more of what I love, and make more money. You can't beat that. I have talked a lot about my kids, and since I have upgraded my computer and image management is not a big task anymore, I bring these great photo's to you. Yes, I have finally upgraded from window 98. That's right window's 98. I am now getting used to this VISTA thing.

Just as a side bar I want to share something about my new job. The main doctor that I work with has a bit of a verbal tick. He says "and stuff" and "and things" a lot. For instance he may say I hear you have not been feeling well and stuff. And you threw up last night and things. Keep in mind I work in an GI Lab where we do Colonoscopies. I am waiting for this conversation:

Doctor: "I am going to insert the scope and stuff, into your rectum."

Patient: "Huh?"

Patient: "Stuff?, what stuff? I did not consent to stuff."

Nurse Boy: "Ha Ha Ha Ha, snort, cry, Ha Ha Ha".

Doctor: "Nurse Boy, you are fired."

Nurse Boy: "More time to Blog."

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Nurse Boy in the house...

It has been two weeks since I blogged last. A lot can happen in two weeks. First, that job that offered $6.00 less an hour was not the only job that I applied for. I also applied for the charge nurse position at St. Mary's hospital in Blue Springs in the GI-Lab. I ended up accepting that position and gave my notice a week ago. Oh the drama! I am actually glad that all the drama occurred, because I showed me that I made the right decision. It was tough in the midst of the decision, because in prayer God did not tell me to "take it". My pastor once said that when praying about something you probably won't hear those words, but if you don't get a "NO" then move foreword. That is what I did. Don't think that I do everything the pastor says though, fat boy don't deny himself empty calories very often.

There was a little stress during the decision making process, but now that it is made there is a lot of peace. As I was going into last weekend in peace the fam and I were on a walk. The old lady mentions Sweat Pea would be pretty with pierced ears. I have been the hold out. My thought was that Sweat Pea could get her ears pierced when she is old enough to ask for it. In a moment of weakness I agree that Sweat Pea would be pretty. Long story short, Sweat Pea's ears are pierced within 16 hours.


Why four times you ask?

Because it is not a good idea to have minor cosmetic surgeries in the corridor of the mall. Nurse Boy was not impressed with the sterile technique. Sweat Pea has not developed earlobe gangrene though. They did make her earrings uneven.


Hence the four piercings. I was willing to let her be lop sided for life, but the old lady was not. Sweat Pea did not seem to have a lot of pain, but she will always have a fear of short Asian men with semi-broken English. Hopefully she will always hate the mall as well. She does look pretty though.

So...I have a new job that will hopefully provide more balance between work and home, I have been a part of scarring one of my children for life, the world champion Colts looked good on Thursday night. The world is right.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Coach Brad

Dimples plays soccer, and he plays it well. Today, I filled in for his coach who was out of town. I paced the sidelines and barked out orders to the players. I stayed positive for the majority of the time, but I did have a lapse. I will start at the beginning of the story. In the under 8 league you have four players on the field and you are not allowed to have a goalie. This is makes it so that the players learn the basic skills of soccer and don't get pegged in any certain positions before they are out of early elementary school. I agree with these rules. They also have a semicircle in front of each goal. If the defense touches the ball inside that circle it is a goal. If the offense touches the ball in the circle it is a goal kick not a goal. So the team that we played today stationed a player just outside of the line in front of the goal the entire game. For those of you who are not familiar with soccer, that is a goalie. The twelve year old ref did not instruct the coach to not do this. I understand, he is twelve, and the coach for the other team was Satan's wife. I would avoid any contact with her also for fear of my face melting. This is the natural reaction of human flesh after exposure to pure evil. Anyway, their illegal goalie was behind the line almost the entire game after repeated shot attempts by our players. No call. Twice in the second half our player kicked the ball out of bounds when the ball was inside the circle. The ball was not going into the goal either time. Both times a goal was awarded to the other team. The second time I looked at the ref and said you have go to be kidding. The parents also stood up and said not nice things. I don't know what they said but it was not uplifting. I feel ashamed now. That ref should have called the game differently, but both calls that he made were technically correct. My frustration is that the other team violated the spirit of the rules the whole game and was never called on it, and my team violated some technical aspects of the rules and were punished. But, he was twelve, or close to that age. We don't keep score. (the kids do though) I often judge coaches who get to involved in the game in our league, but I suppose I should not judge so quickly. I will do better next time.

On a lighter side, I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read:
What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?
That makes me laugh.

I also go a job offer yesterday. It was for $6.00 an hour less than what I am making. $6.00 an hour is more than most teachers make. Just ask my wife.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Peck Vocabulary

Chaos Jamie recently posted about her daughter's advanced vocabulary and it got me thinking about my own kids' advanced vocabulary. One word the boys often use is Bathower. Yes, this is so advanced you can't find it in most dictionaries. My kids don't like showers, the prefer the more traditional bath. To appease them, I take a shower with them, with the tub plugged. This would obviously be called a bathower. They will use this term like it is mainstream English with friends and family. That makes me happy. We will address the fact that I still take showers with the boys in therapy later, but not until then.

Another phrase that the boys feel is normal is a poop run. I ask the boys to make poop runs on a daily basis. The old lady thinks that when Sweat Pea poops you wrap it up in a plastic bag and throw it beside the front steps. Our trash is kept on the side of the house. The flies are fond of this system, but I am not. I don't know how the visitors and the neighbors feel because nobody has addressed it. I use the more sophisticated method of forcing one of the boys to take the diaper to the side of the house and put it in the trash can. I try to use the boys' need to compete with each other as motivation to acquire volunteers for this job. When this does not work I use threats of harm and loss of desserts. Today, I overheard Bruiser mutter under his breath "I hate poop runs". Again, that makes me happy. I'm not sure why, but it does. It reminds me of a conversation that I had with a kid at church who was about 10 years old at the time. I asked him if he knew what the Dewy Decimal System was. He did not, but about a half and hour later he slipped and fell on the playground and he muttered under his breath, "stupid Dewy Decimal".
So, my kids do not have a particularly advanced vocabulary, but they will end up with a different vocabulary, and they don't even know it.

On a different note, I have been looking to see if there are any job opportunities out there and I am coming across a problem. There is a job that is with a manager that I like and respect and could learn a lot from. The problem is the job is 40 minutes away in good traffic. It is also in a small hospital and I don't want to lose the excitement that the bigger medical center brings. It will be interesting to see if this is Gods plan for me.

Saturday, August 4, 2007


The wife tried to log on to comment on my blog yesterday. She knows all of the log on information, but still was unable to log on. It is kind of nice to know that I can say anything without her being able to rebut. She reminded me of when I was in college attending Indiana University, the greatest university on the planet. We were heading for a family reunion. It was time to get in the car and head out, and my Grandmother went to sit in the car. Yes, in protest, and I went to the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal. The wife asked me why I was pouring a bowl of cereal when it was time to go. She did not know my family. My mom continued to pack the rest of what was needed, and my dad continued to carry it out to the car. I continued to scarf my cereal, and then like every car trip over three minutes my mother had to go to the bathroom at the last minute. I drank the sugar milk at the bottom of the bowl and placed it in the dishwasher. The wife and I then went to the car and buckled in. Not the last to the car. I thought the wife was impressed with my timing. She was actually disgusted with the way I ate my cereal.

She still is.

All that said, I come by the going to the car in protest honestly. I learned it from my grandmother.

Dimples had his one week setback like the doctor said he would, but he is already doing better again. He will get to go to church tomorrow if he can swallow his saliva while there. I think he will be able to do it.

I let sweat pea fall off the bed yesterday. She did not thank me for it. She still has a sore shoulder. The wife and I contemplated taking her to urgent care at the local children's hospital, but we decided against it when she giggled over getting a sucker. Our boys did not know suckers existed at her age. That is the difference when you have the third.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Tonsil Update

Dimples is eating now, and not taking his narcotics anymore. Tylenol is doing the trick. He is still refusing to swallow his own saliva, but progress is being made. He wants to go to church tomorrow, but we informed him we would not be taking him out of the house with a spit rag. He took that well.

Bruiser and Sweat Pea are still jealous of all of the attention that he gets. Bruiser came to us in tears stating, "What if I never get my tonsils out? I will never get balloons and ice cream like Dimples." I hope they compete over who can mow mom and dad's lawn the quickest when they are grown.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Post-op Day One

Dimples is worse today than yesterday, but he is doing well. He is not eating anything, and is drinking less, but still drinking an adequate amount. He will still eat the ice cream though. He slept the whole night, but was in a lot of pain when he woke up. He is not talking, and I am telling you, I did not think anything could keep him from doing that. I worry about when he is recovered, if he makes up all the words that he is missing today, I will need to take a few swigs from his pain medication. Dimples keeps a towel at his side at all times so he can spit into it since he doesn't want to swallow his saliva. I am thinking of getting him a spitoon, but I am afraid that he and Bruiser would never swallow their own saliva again if we had one of those around.
Speaking of Bruiser, he had a run in with a bird the other day. We were on the way to church, and Bruiser and I were walking out to the van before the rest of the family. My wife loves it when I am impatient and go the the van early in protest. I think she enjoys the fact that I only grab Sweat Pea and the diaper bag, and leave her with all the other stuff that is not neatly assemble by the door. I would tell you what it is, but I don't know, which is why I leave it for her. There are are wives all over groaning, well they would be if they were reading my blog. So I guess there is maybe a wife groaning, and it is probably mine. Back to the storry, while I am buckeling Sweat Pea, I hear a loud chirping, followed by loud screaming. Then Bruiser appears around the car crying and there may have been some flailing. He was not under control, even more so than most church nights. He informed me that a bird attacked him. With all of the empathy I could muster up I asked him what he did to make the bird attack him. He claims it was unprovoked. Dimples and the wife then make it to the car, and the wife does not believe Bruiser, until I added the detail of the loud chirping. Bruiser was in the back looking frightened and a little defeated. As I was pulling out of the drive way, there he lay. A dead bird in the middle of the driveway. As I pointed him out to the family I could see a spark of confidence return to Bruisers face. He said "yeah, I hit him". That says a lot about little boys and thier dads. Neither Bruiser or I was happy about him being attacked by a ferocious bird, but it sparked a little pride to know that Bruiser came out of top. We will have to see who wins in the next match of Bruiser vs. Squirel. My money is on Bruiser.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Post-op day zero

Dimples had his tonsils out today. He did great this morning not being able to eat anything. His Surgery did not start until 1:30 and did not whine once about being hungry. He mentioned that he was nervous just in passing as we were walking into the surgery center. He then was able to distract himself with books and talking. I have adults whine about the hunger and carry on about their anxiety every day in my job. I am sympathetic to them, but they are whiny and they do carry on. Dimples was brave. We talked about Jesus being with him even when mom and dad are not, and he acknowledged that as fact that went unsaid. The wife did not cry either, but did say that she could not kiss him good-bye as he rolled into the OR or she would have. I gave his a kiss for both of us. Dimples did look a little weepy in recovery, but that is common in kids coming out of anesthetics who are also experiencing a boat load of pain. He is doing well, eating home made ice cream from Bubby and Papa, and drinking apple juice. He did puke on the way home, but we were told to expect that, so I got to ride in back with him. All said and done, we are blessed to have an awesome kid like dimples, and to have the comfort that Jesus provides in times like these. We are also blessed to have the support around us so the wife and I could concentrate on Dimples today. I did enjoy having the day off of work. I will have to see if Bruiser needs some minor surgery the next time I could use a little break from work.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

No theme today

I updated my profile, and apparently you are not supposed to put real names is Blogs? Is that to protect from identity theft or stalkers? If stalkers, then how sad would that person be if they were staking Nurse Boy. He even talks about himself in the third person. Anyway, if someone reads my previous posts, they might be able to crack the code. My profile says that 53 people have accessed it. I only think that I am responsible for about 45 of those hits. I'm feeling the love. I might be able to get used to this blogging thing.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Stay at home dad

I often wish that I could be a stay at home dad. I took six weeks of paternity leave after my first born arrived and my wife went back to work. I enjoyed that time, but Dimples only took bottles at that time. During my leave the wife decided to retire from teaching and stay at home with the kids. That was when the dream ended. The wife had no plans of becoming my sugar mama. Work has been rough this week. I had to go in early (5:30 am) on Thursday and Friday. Both days I had to stay late. The wife had some girlie party to go to last night, and another women's ministry thing to go to today. That made three whole meals in a row for me to have to prepare for the kids. I do use the word prepare loosely. None of these were meals made with the special ingredient love. Anyway, I may not be upset about the loss of my stay at home dream anymore. If only the kids didn't need to eat three times a day. Here is to you stay at home mom's!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Our home

Dimples wants to blog, so he says:
We have been getting sick lately, but we are still doing things fun. Yesterday was Tuesday, and we shot our new toy rockets. When we got them we were very excited. Me and Bruiser have been getting a lot of surprises. On Sunday we got a slip and slide. We went to the Johnsons house and slipped and slided on it. They also had a pool (baby). I am pretty sure that i am not sick any more.
Bruiser says:
Once there was a guy named Dimples and Bruiser, and they went to the Johnson's house and went on the slip and slide and it was fun.

Then he lost interest. Can you see how Bruiser wants to do everything his brother does? This is our life! Lets wrestle!

Whats new

Summer is in full swing. The kids are home all day long any my wife is going crazy. Mrs. Nurse Boy and Dimples have been sick, but I think they are getting better. Hopefully getting out of the house again will help everyone. Dimples is getting his tonsils out in a week and a half. Soon after that school starts and Dimples and Bruiser start soccer. This will be Bruiser's first season. I can't wait to see them both play. Sweet Pea is getting bigger. She is 50th percentile in weight, and 80th percentile in height. She likes to carry her purse around and talk on her cell phone. If she can't find one she will make due. Mrs. Nurse Boy went upstairs to check on here recently and she was using the boy's walkie talkie as a cell phone, and had a saturated pull-up on her arm as a purse. She's is not picky.

Friday, May 4, 2007

First Blog Ever

I have never blogged before. I don't know how to decide what daily occurrence actually makes a blog. In reality, I only want create a blog of my own, so I can respond to other peoples blogs. I am not sure what that says about me, but I am not sure if I care. Here is something. Do you ever feel like you can't make anybody happy, especially when you are trying to make everybody happy? Welcome to leadership!