~Poop On Jelly~

Our Family's Bitter/Sweet Life

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Slide of Horror

We are joining yet another True Story Tuesday this week! This is a true story as told by yours truly, Nurse Boy.

On our trip to my parents' house over Christmas break, we went to The Indianapolis Children's Museum compliments of my sister. That was an awesome Christmas gift! The Children's Museum has five floors of hands on fun with some education thrown in. In the science room, there was an exhibit that showed underground animals and their habitat. You could crawl through two different tunnels with a slide to go down at the end.

I, of course, had to go through.

Parenting has its positives and negatives. One negative might be that you endure the Children's Museum during the busiest week of the year. Which means, you can't pivot in place without bumping into someone or knocking some poor kid over. There are long lines and wall to wall whining and crying all around you. That's just the parents, some of the kids cried as well. The positive is that kids give you an excuse to act like a kid. It is socially acceptable.

So, I wanted to go through the tunnels and down the slides. The first one was easy. When Bruiser got in line, I simply got in line behind him and followed him. Simple and easy. I got to see the spiders, moles, and random kids hiding from their parents. Then down the slide and, viola, childhood revisited.

The second one was easy also. Sweet Pea jumped in line and I followed her on in. There was a ladder to climb at the very beginning and I was so proud. About four kids fit on that ladder at a time so it was slow going. Sweet Pea just went up like a pro, being patient and waiting her turn. We got to the top and rounded the corner.

That is when it happened. When Sweet Pea lost her nerve.

It was then that I turned into psycho dad who was determined to press on. After all, there were six kids in very tight quarters on the ladder behind us. I am slightly wider than the average adult and a heck of a lot wider than the average six year old, so I can't turn around. It was like I was in some one's GI track. There was only one way to go and if I went the other way it was going to be messy.

My boys are different. If they get into a scary situation, I can tell them it is O.K. They just trust me. They might be nervous, but they know that I won't let them die. Sweet Pea is pretty sure that being pushed to do something she does not want to do is worse than death.

Sweet Pea turned and indicated that she wanted to stay and look at that window displaying some underground critter back there. Translation: I ain't going any further.

I said no, we have to keep going.

That is when it happened.

The first blood curling scream.

No big deal. I hear that scream daily when one of her big brothers does something to annoy her. We are in a tunnel and there is a lot of noise out there, so we will just forge on and nobody will notice. So we keep going. Then another scream and panicked attempt to squeeze past me the other way.

First of all, ain't nothing getting past me. I had the space maxed out. So I just picked her up and held her awkwardly in front of me while crawling on one arm and two knees. Now, we get to the slide and there is no way for me to turn around to go feet first with her secure in my lap. I have to go head first. She is screaming bloody murder.

And, I mean screaming. I am about to die, who is this strange man who is accosting me inside this tunnel kind of screams.

I start my descent and realize I have Sweat Pea going head first as well. So, I do the open scissors move with my legs and turn Sweat Pea around. She is still screaming. It is echoing and getting amplified by the tunnel. Kids behind me are trying to go down the slide and piling up behind me and kicking me so I go down. They might have been trying to save Sweet Pea from the kidnapper or they might have been enacting some playground justice for backing up the tunnel. Either way, it didn't hurt. Those punks are going to have to learn either how or where to kick if they are going to get me going down that slide any faster.

We finally get situated and slid down. By this time there is a crowd of mothers with fight or flight looking in horror as I emerge from the tunneled slide. Sweet Pea runs to Mrs. Nurse Boy who is laughing hysterically, while I am head first and on my back flopping around like a fish out of water trying to get off the slide. The mothers looked very angry. I am surprised I did not get hit by a couple of diaper bags or fanny packs. Once I got to my feet, I did not make eye contact with anyone and did my best to blend in.

Which was tough because my face was a deep shade of red.
Any nominations for father of the year?

Want to read some more True Stories? Then head on over to Rachel and Mr. Daddy's!


Brandi said...

HOLY COW!!! Way to go Mrs. NB ~ you actually GOT. A. PICTURE! I was already laughing, but when I got to the picture, oh man, I am dying over here...

Michelle Hart said...

Awesome! Love that Mrs. Nurse Boy managed to get a picture of it too! Poor little Sweet Pea...

I think that's karma for having your arm around barbie!

Life with Kaishon said...

That is SUCH a funny story. I can totally imagine it happening : ) I wish a mother would have reported you to management : ) Just for better blog fodder... : )

Kmama said...

That is exactly how Buddy is when he's afraid of something. It's so frustrating, so I totally understand pressing forward, even if you did have room and could turn around.

I LOVE the picture!!

Sarah said...

Hi! I'm from The Children's Museum - no not stalking your blog, it just came up on a Google search. As someone who used to work in the gallery with the tunnels, I've got to say that while you are not alone, this is the best telling of this experience I've ever read! We've been passing it around work, because it made us all smile! Thanks!

Mrs Lemon said...

BUSTED! that is so funny - adding to the funny is Sarah from the museum's comment :)

He & Me + 3 said...

That was hysterical and that picture is priceless. LOL I venture to say that you were not sweet peas favorite person for the rest of the day. LOL FUNNY STUFF

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

First of all... Sarah, your comment made my day! The Indianapolis Children's Museum is one of our very favorite places to visit! While we no longer live in Indy, it will forever be a part of my childhood, as well as my children's. I am so happy we could make you all laugh! I KNOW you deserve it!

Secondly... it should be noted that it was a miracle that the photo turned out at all. I was laughing to the point of tears. Yes, we all heard the screams and that place was PACKED. I KNEW it was Sweet Pea and Nurse Boy. I had the camera ready, but I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING.

That's what Nurse Boy gets for trying to squeeze into places meant for a 6 year old. Maybe one day he will learn, but I won't hold my breath.

But, I WILL have the camera ready!

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Emily said...

R.O.T.F!!!!! And I think it's hysterical that you used the word fanny pack. Girls induce so much awesome drama and WTG Mrs. Nurse boy for that awesome photo documenting the event.

suzinkc said...

I am laughing so hard right now. The funniest part is that someone had a fanny pack. :)

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

I wanted to laugh so hard at all of that, but I'm at work and supposed to be quiet. Oh and working. No, really I was taking a break. And what a funny break it turned out to be. Thanks Mr. Nurse Boy. Trust me, I was laughing with you! *snicker* (Heeeee)

Boy Mom said...

I think I'm in love with you NB. What that was the perfect cure for my January blahs! I loved the stuck in someones GI track analogy, glad everything came out OK.

Poor Adorable Hubby, no girls means he has missed out on some very important character building lessons.

Way to go with the camera on the ready Mrs NB.

Just Stacy said...

Laugh your ass off hilarious story.
Absolutely priceless picture to back it up.
And an employee of the museum popping up on the blog to tell you she's been sharing the story to all her co-workers.

This couldn't have been a more perfect True Story.

Mrsbear said...

I'm so sorry, that's the funniest story I've read all day. Kudos to Mrs. Nurse Boy for having the camera at the ready. I was feeling claustrophobic just reading this. Ha.

Catherine Anne said...

love your blog~ The title made me laugh!

Rachel said...

Oh man... I was already dying at the "playground justice" line, then the diaper bag/fanny pack fear was cracking me up.

Then the screaming.

And Ms. Nurse Boy recognizing WHO was doing the screaming (Sweet Pea, rather than Mr. NB).

And the picture.

Ooh Lord, that picture is worth a thousand words. Or more like a thousand TST posts. It was the last straw for me, I'm a helpless pile of giggles now.

And of course she'd do that in a majorly public place - that's what 3-1/2 year olds are for, right? :)

Thanks for linking up -this was CLASSIC!

Rachel said...

And by the way - I think it is OUTRAGEOUSLY funny that a museum employee found your story! What are the odds! You're right, I must be rubbing off on you, LOL.

Though I'm still looking for "Sonya" from the Jones Soda switcheroo... so if you see her, gimme a holler ;)

Momma Pixie said...

I am dying over here! My sides hurt and the water won't stop flowing out of my eyes and then I saw the picture and there are no words. HeHeHe!!

Lauren said...

I am laughing so hard!!! Sweet Pea and my daughter are like the same person! My daughter would have freaked out too!

Mummy McTavish said...

I don't know what to say NB. That was the funniest photo I have seen in a long time! I just wish I could have heard the conversations that the mums around had with their families that night. I can totally relate with Sweet Pea though, I've had my own little slide of horror incident... I felt like screaming and crying the whole way to the bottom of the slide... it was just last week and I was supposed to be the brave one in our little slippery-dip duo.

Theresa said...

That was so stinking hilarious! My girls wouldn't have blinked an eye, BUT I have a grandson who would have out screamed Sweet Pea! Jonathan is scared of slides that are enclosed and no amount of fun would have gotten him in that line!

Foursons said...

Oh my gosh... first off I love that an employee found your blog and you are now a hit of the joint.

This was my favorite part, "There are long lines and wall to wall whining and crying all around you. That's just the parents, some of the kids cried as well."

Genius writing my friend. Thanks for the guffaw!

Sir Nottaguy-Imadad said...

You are a very brave man. To go where no man has gone before. Kid, yes. Man, no. I had visions of Arnold Swartzenegger from "Jingle All the Way" going through my mind while reading this.

The picture is priceless. What a Kodak moment.

Shana said...

I am so sorry but that is hilarious. I can picture the whole scene.

Suz said...

Wow, talk about constipation in parenting.
I am glad you didn't get hauled out in cuffs, Ha-ha.. Now seriously your are an awesome Daddy. Way to be involved, even if it is torture for everyone involved and watching, ( i mean listening ).