~Poop On Jelly~

Our Family's Bitter/Sweet Life

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Confession Time

Dear Bruiser,

One of these days you will notice that your first grade plant is missing.  I am not sure exactly how I will try to dance around the truth, but you are smart.  You know my obsession with keeping things clutter free.  You know that the trash can is often the answer to my clutter woes.  You have found out the hard way.  Your plant has not been spared from my clutter free binges.

Yes, Bruiser, I threw away your beloved plant.  It wasn't my fault.  I had to.  It was mocking me.

You see, Mrs. S grew that plant over the course of your fabulous 1st grade year.  She cut off the "spuddlings" and sent each of her students home with a plant of their very own.  A plant to watch grow and blossom just as each one of you did in first grade.  And, grow and blossom you did!  What a wonderful year it was for you.

The plant was supposed to be a refreshing reminder of your 1st grade year.  However, I don't do plants.  Oh sure, Mrs. S assured me that you couldn't mess this one up.  I assured her that if anyone could put it to the test, it would be me.

And, Bruiser, I don't lie.

Yes, son, you were faithful to water the plant. (Most of the time.)  It sat in my kitchen as a constant reminder of me having yet another living thing to take care of  (of which I am clearly not capable).  It didn't die, yet it refused to grow.  It didn't grow taller.  It didn't spawn new leaves.  It didn't blossom and fill my kitchen with new life.  There it remained; one lonely leaf on a short, little pathetic stem.

It was mocking me.  I began to hear it laugh at me as I cleaned around it.  That is when I decided I couldn't take it anymore.  I declared it clutter and chucked it in the trash.

Please forgive me.  While I will never give you the gift of a green thumb, I do hope to give you the gift of keeping a clean, clutter free home.  Right or wrong, I have decided organization is much better than a green thumb.  Mostly because my thumb has failed me for many years now.  I will continue to raise you with the slogan, "When in doubt, throw it out!"  I am sure your future wife will be forever grateful.  And if she isn't, let her do the gardening.

Your Mom
(Who thinks watching YOU grow and blossom is nothing short of AMAZING.  Plants... not so much.)


Michelle said...

Awh, I kinda feel bad for Bruiser now. But I totally agree with you. Especially about the green thumb thing. Mine is black! Maybe you can play the avoidance card for a while and pray that he loses interest. :)

Shana said...

he needs a corn plant. no kidding, i have a black thumb too and I can't kill this thing. I seriously give it like a cup of water every couple of weeks. It grows. It likes to be rootbound in a pot so i don't have to change it to a bigger one. Easy peezy.

Rachel said...

Is it bad that I totally laughed? Because I am just dying to chuck the four plants on my windowsill that came with Mr. Daddy (the plants, not the windowsill)...

Bruiser is gonna have a laugh at this letter years from now. Course, by then he'll probably be a farmer :)

On Stage said...

I hate house plants! I had been thinking about throwing away a few of the plants I recieved when my children were born, but I just couldn't do it without feeling guilty. So, this summer, I put them outside to let Mother Nature do what I couldn't... kill them. It worked.

However, my biggest guilt stems (pun intended) from a particular house plant that I received from my grandmother's house after she passed away. This particular plant was a gift to my mother when I was born (40 1/2 years ago)! Imagine the guilt I feel every time I consider geting rid of this huge plant. The plant takes up half of my guest bedroom, has been used as a litter box, is never watered, and still thrives. I think that it will eventually be passed on to my children.

Suz said...

We are actually allowed to throw out all the stuff they bring home from school. We have an aloe plant that is the same size as the day we brought it home. It is still green and not drooping, I might have to hang on alittle bit longer to it.



Kmama said...

Hahaha. I'm the same way.

I keep papers and projects for a couple days and then I have to trash them. Almost always, as soon as it's trashed, I get the "where is my ..." question. Ahhh!

Sir Nottaguy-Imadad said...

Did you look closely to see if the leaf had been stapled onto the stem?

My MIL has a fixation with keeping Poinsettias alive after Christmas. According to Martha Srewart, it is extremely difficult to get them to bloom again. She advises throwing them out.

Tell Bruiser you were just following Martha's advice, that way he can be mad at Martha.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

I kill plants. They are just not my thing. My mom's either. So, I had this plant and kept it alive for a very long time and then my dad put miracle grow on it, the day of my wedding, put it out in the sun and fried it. Argh! I kept that thing alive at least a good year. And Dad killed it. Oh well..at least it wasn't me.

Sheila said...

I totally got your back on this one! I am the exact same way - I like that...when in doubt throw it out...I might have to adopt that saying around here too! :)

Mrsbear said...

Bwahaha. I think Bruiser will find a way to forgive you for the shocking plant murder. I, on the other hand, totally understand. I have this one plant sitting in my kitchen by the window, I am constantly bringing the brink of death only to water it right when it seems beyond recovery. It has never blossomed, it's just clinging to life. I should put it out of its misery...My brown thumb and my inability to chuck out the clutter are a bad combo.