One of these days you will notice that your first grade plant is missing. I am not sure exactly how I will try to dance around the truth, but you are smart. You know my obsession with keeping things clutter free. You know that the trash can is often the answer to my clutter woes. You have found out the hard way. Your plant has not been spared from my clutter free binges.
Yes, Bruiser, I threw away your beloved plant. It wasn't my fault. I had to. It was mocking me.
You see, Mrs. S grew that plant over the course of your fabulous 1st grade year. She cut off the "spuddlings" and sent each of her students home with a plant of their very own. A plant to watch grow and blossom just as each one of you did in first grade. And, grow and blossom you did! What a wonderful year it was for you.
The plant was supposed to be a refreshing reminder of your 1st grade year. However, I don't do plants. Oh sure, Mrs. S assured me that you couldn't mess this one up. I assured her that if anyone could put it to the test, it would be me.
And, Bruiser, I don't lie.
Yes, son, you were faithful to water the plant. (Most of the time.) It sat in my kitchen as a constant reminder of me having yet another living thing to take care of (of which I am clearly not capable). It didn't die, yet it refused to grow. It didn't grow taller. It didn't spawn new leaves. It didn't blossom and fill my kitchen with new life. There it remained; one lonely leaf on a short, little pathetic stem.
It was mocking me. I began to hear it laugh at me as I cleaned around it. That is when I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I declared it clutter and chucked it in the trash.
Please forgive me. While I will never give you the gift of a green thumb, I do hope to give you the gift of keeping a clean, clutter free home. Right or wrong, I have decided organization is much better than a green thumb. Mostly because my thumb has failed me for many years now. I will continue to raise you with the slogan, "When in doubt, throw it out!" I am sure your future wife will be forever grateful. And if she isn't, let her do the gardening.
(Who thinks watching YOU grow and blossom is nothing short of AMAZING. Plants... not so much.)
6 hours ago