Dear New Kids On The Block (or NKOTB, as you like to "maturely" refer to yourselves),
I must first admit that I once gazed into all of your eyes. Well, at least with the help of my friends at People Magazine. I went to your concerts. Two of them, as a matter of fact. Yes, I saved up my babysitting money for 2 song filled nights that would change my life forever. You did not disappoint. You danced and lip sank the night away. And, STEP BY STEP, you left me broke. I would have to find some more babysitting jobs for magazines and paraphernalia to fill up my free time.
But, now I am all grown up. Thankfully, the only eyes I want to gaze longingly into are Nurse Boy's. And, while I must admit that his name doesn't sound much more mature than NKOTB, he is indeed a grown man who understands that he, along with the rest of the world, is aging. He wears his bald spot proudly and refuses to color the grays that are sprinkled throughout his thinning hair.
I must apologize for all of the women my age who are confused. Yes, I have seen you guys doing the morning news marathon. Dancing your way onto every morning show that us stay-at-home moms watch while we are folding the laundry. Notice I didn't say singing. We will get to that in a minute. I have seen those women dancing, screaming, and holding up the "Joey, will you be my son's new daddy?" signs. Do you know that these women have BAGGAGE? They are coloring their gray hairs and going to bed with mud masks on their faces. These are NOT the same fresh faces you sang to in your youth. These women frighten me. I am embarrassed by them. I mean, they are paying a babysitter $10 an hour to listen to you sing while holding up a sign that says, "I have always loved you, Jordan!" NKOTB, do you not find that creepy?
Speaking of youthful faces, have you guys looked in the mirror? The ball caps, hats, and sunglasses do not fool me. Nor do the cute little dances of your youth. The singing is also not quite the same. I am guessing it was probably never that great. But, it did sound sweet when I was 14. I guess quality wasn't at the top of my list. It is now.
You are older. Just own it. You no longer have the RIGHT STUFF for a singing career. Singing songs about talking to the one you love at 2 IN THE MORNING is ridiculous. The only time I talk to Nurse Boy at 2 AM, is when we have a vomiting child. I dare you to sing about that! You are older, you should be wiser.
I realize this is really about money. I know we are in a recession. But, I still find it to be scary. Please, oh please, just leave Regis, Kelly, and I alone during our coffee hour, K? I want the memories of my childhood. They were sweet and innocent. Why must you try to steal them away with your comeback?
Grown Up Mrs. Nurse Boy
(Hint: Click on 2 IN THE MORNING up above to see the most recent attempts to entertain by NKOTB.)
19 hours ago