Dear New Kids On The Block (or NKOTB, as you like to "maturely" refer to yourselves),
I must first admit that I once gazed into all of your eyes. Well, at least with the help of my friends at People Magazine. I went to your concerts. Two of them, as a matter of fact. Yes, I saved up my babysitting money for 2 song filled nights that would change my life forever. You did not disappoint. You danced and lip sank the night away. And, STEP BY STEP, you left me broke. I would have to find some more babysitting jobs for magazines and paraphernalia to fill up my free time.
But, now I am all grown up. Thankfully, the only eyes I want to gaze longingly into are Nurse Boy's. And, while I must admit that his name doesn't sound much more mature than NKOTB, he is indeed a grown man who understands that he, along with the rest of the world, is aging. He wears his bald spot proudly and refuses to color the grays that are sprinkled throughout his thinning hair.
I must apologize for all of the women my age who are confused. Yes, I have seen you guys doing the morning news marathon. Dancing your way onto every morning show that us stay-at-home moms watch while we are folding the laundry. Notice I didn't say singing. We will get to that in a minute. I have seen those women dancing, screaming, and holding up the "Joey, will you be my son's new daddy?" signs. Do you know that these women have BAGGAGE? They are coloring their gray hairs and going to bed with mud masks on their faces. These are NOT the same fresh faces you sang to in your youth. These women frighten me. I am embarrassed by them. I mean, they are paying a babysitter $10 an hour to listen to you sing while holding up a sign that says, "I have always loved you, Jordan!" NKOTB, do you not find that creepy?
Speaking of youthful faces, have you guys looked in the mirror? The ball caps, hats, and sunglasses do not fool me. Nor do the cute little dances of your youth. The singing is also not quite the same. I am guessing it was probably never that great. But, it did sound sweet when I was 14. I guess quality wasn't at the top of my list. It is now.
You are older. Just own it. You no longer have the RIGHT STUFF for a singing career. Singing songs about talking to the one you love at 2 IN THE MORNING is ridiculous. The only time I talk to Nurse Boy at 2 AM, is when we have a vomiting child. I dare you to sing about that! You are older, you should be wiser.
I realize this is really about money. I know we are in a recession. But, I still find it to be scary. Please, oh please, just leave Regis, Kelly, and I alone during our coffee hour, K? I want the memories of my childhood. They were sweet and innocent. Why must you try to steal them away with your comeback?
Sincerely,
Grown Up Mrs. Nurse Boy
(Hint: Click on 2 IN THE MORNING up above to see the most recent attempts to entertain by NKOTB.)
10 hours ago
18 comments:
*snickers* You liked NKOTB? hehehehe. I left NKOTB to my sister, but considering her later love of Pearl Jam (does the name not make you think of something you remove from between your toes?), her taste in music is dubious at best.
I liked serious music. You know, like Van Halen.
But, for the love of my eyesight (which I treasure more with each passing year), if David Lee Roth is going to insist on STILL wearing spandex, he really needs to look into some sort of support garment. He should also consider a switch to Lite beer.
Another beef: Madonna. Girl, it's time to stop flashing your crotch. I now understand the pointed bras. I assume they keep the "girls" where they're supposed to be.
But your crotch? Yes, your enviable thighs (assuming I desire to look like a pro-wrestler....I do not)could probably crush a walnut. But girlfriend, you've birthed two children.
It scares me when you show up in a leotard. Those bits need to stay safely tucked away with AT LEAST a good six inches of hem between them and the viewing public.
Newsflash: y'all are getting too old to be "cool" anymore.
AWESOME comments, IM! Better than my post! At least we aren't the only ones getting older. So is Hollywood, they just refuse to accept it!
Mrs.
Anonymous = Brother.
The creepiest part of their pathetic attempt at a comeback is the music videos they have created. Search one on you tube if you want to have nightmares or at least a very uneasy feeling. You have 30 something and 40 something year old men singing juvinile songs and running around the beach with 18 year old women. Im pretty sure if they were not famous (or used to be famous) they would be arrested for singing those songs to young women. Its actually gross.
And, Donnie, first of all, thanks for cutting off the Rat Tail as you entered adulthood. However, put your hat on straight or better yet take it off indoors. Also most 40 year olds dont wear adidas with suits. I also have a rule for you to follow if you are old enough to have a 401K then you are too old to be "hangin tough" or sing about your "girlfriend". Even your brother stopped dropping his pants to show off his boxers sometime before 30. Ive yet to see him on the view singing 'Good Vibrations' with the Funky Bunch.
These washed up artists (we are using that word very lightly) need to know that while they chase the money they look, and have become very deperate. Maybe try something new or try to grow and make music according to your age and the experinces that come with being our age. Have some class and self respect.. Maybe you can learn from others trying to make a come back. Like... Poison's Brett Micheals.
Or maybe not...
General rule of thumb: if you are old enough for regular prostate exams, you shouldn't sing to the under 20 crowd.
ouch, that was kind of harsh. i am a 26 year old mom of one, who's happily married, but i still love the fact that i can rekindle part of my childhood through something as enjoyable as music. these men definitely work their butts off, even if it may be for money. they spend a lot of time with their fans and seem to really care about them. sometimes it's the little things in life, such as a group of guys who sing catchy songs, that can make someone happy who maybe having a bad day. just saying ;)
Damn, yeah, all of you are incredibly harsh. I don't see the guys as singing to teenagers. I see them rekindling nostalgia and singing their NEW songs to other women my age.
You are sorely mistaken if you think this is all about the money. They have more than enough to live off of. This is about having fun.
That's fine for you to say that you don't like their music. But just because your man is going bald and embracing his old age, don't think that all men his age should!
I didn't think through the whole googling thing... Whoops! Sorry to the fans. Obviously, I no longer am one.
It is just my blog and all of my readers know we like to keep it light hearted (and Clean!) around here. Just having some fun :0) If you don't like what I have to say, please don't read it and move on.
I am enjoying the comments from my brother and IM! It is fun to watch how we all embrace our age. Some more than others...that is really all I am trying to say.
Mrs. Nurse Boy
Boy Mom, I think we have a What the!?! for Friday. How far do you have to read through the pages when you google NKOTB before you land on our page. I tried, and got through 20 and did not find our awesome blog. I hope that is not how they got here. If it is, then you may need counseling. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
This was a great post! I read it to Adorable Hubby because he wanted to know what I was giggling at.
Speaking of Adorable Hubby I was just telling him the other night that he's forbidden to cover up his graying hair, I love it.
I, however, will be covering up my gray till I'm 90, gotta look hot for the Breakfast Club crew. Why Molly? Why did you have to go and play a Mom? I was content to think of you in pink for ever.
By the way Mr Nurse Boy, the only thing better then a graying man is a bald one. Yowza!
Mrs. Nurse Boy, you totally have first rights to the What The...post this Friday. I'll do Friday Fare..well to braincells which is the only reason I can think of to still be living in NKOTB land.
Ooohhh, Mrs NB, you hit a sore spot with some NKOTB fans. I was laughing... cracking up in fact. So we can call women dressed up younger than their years "mutton dressed up as lamb" but it's simply a mid-life crisis and we award it when a man does it. Men, Women, NKOTB, grow older with pride!
Jon Bon Jovi, keep doing what you are doing... If the NB's take you on they'll have me to answer to.
hahahahaha, you arent even on the first page when I google - new kids on the block poop. I thought for sure that would link you. NKOTB poop... will give you top spot! So, what are people googling?
Oh my! NKOTB have some die-hard fans out there. I too prefer to have nostalgia wrapped up in the past and leave it there!! I am not amused when I see "mature" men trying to act half their age.....
Just perfect. I too was a NKOTB fan. Oh. I am just so embarrassed. Well, for them now. Really...what are they thinking? Donnie is losing his hair for goodness sake! Let it go, ya'll. You're old!
The 2 a.m. conversation bit...ha! Sounds like me and Hubby!
Great post!
I agree with Imperfect Mom about Madonna. Let it go girl -- you're like 50 now. No one wants to see that anymore. Not that I ever wanted to see it!
They are so proud of their fanship, they are leaving anonymous comments. I wouldn't worry about it.
I DID however, once have the opportunity to go see Cindy Lauper in concert after Frodo was born and I strapped on my pleather pants, my sequin top and spiked my hair. I claim my nostalgia.
I even like a good NKOTB cd....of the oldies. That's where I will leave it, though.
Gack! My eyes! My ears!
Yes, I clicked on the link. I thought I heard some OLD bones creaking and cracking while they were dancing.
The Bay City Rollers were my favorite. I am older than you. ;o)
Well.. someone became little miss popularity while I was gone. LOL
I'm afraid to know what sort of hateful comments you had to delete.
I'm with you on this one. There comes a point!!
Incredible post, incredible comments. I laughed my fool head off. But seriously, when you have to nap between shows...
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