~Poop On Jelly~

Our Family's Bitter/Sweet Life

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Letter to Lake "Snobivira" Residents and Police Officers

You Stink!

Everyone of you!

Especially the police officers!

I must start out with a disclaimer. I realize that I should not drive over the speed limit. I realize that it is my own fault when I get clocked driving over the speed limit with my entire family in the van. I realize that I often go faster than I should.


Your shameless speed trap is ridiculous. Going 35 on Holiday Drive is a bit painful already for a person like me. Dropping the speed to 25 directly across from the entrance to your golf course should be a crime.

I know that you think because you are rich, you should get your own police department. But, there are not that many of you, so the cost of your own police department is high. You are not rich enough to pay for the police "protection" out of your own pockets, though. It is obvious that the only reason you drop the speed limit across from your community entrance is because you want to pay your police officers with the speeding ticket proceeds. Either that, or your average age is 75 and you don't have quick enough decision making capabilities to be able to pull out into the sparse 35 mph traffic.

Also, police officers for Lake "Snobivira," You are sell outs! You have a job that entails working a speed trap 90% of your time on the clock to protect a bunch of snobs that look down on you, too. You are helping the rich steal from us average county residents. I am sure they give you a quota, because if you don't give a certain number of tickets your salary does not get paid. Is that what you thought you would do when you went to the Police Academy?

Here is my promise to you. I will not avoid your precious entrance. I will drive by it every chance I get. I will go 15 mph. I hope your leaky bladders drain in your pants while driving behind me. I hope your prunes kick in right then. I hope your Viagra wears off. I also promise to flash my lights at every unsuspecting person coming the opposite direction to warn them of your ridiculous trap.

By the way, it has been a year since my ticket, and I am a lot less bitter now.

Can't you tell?

Mr. Nurse Boy


Huskerfam said...

That is absolutely HILARIOUS!! I totally agree about the tickets, why do some people get warnings and other NEVER DO!! my husband has NEVER gotten a ticket!!! I have never gotten a WARNING!! And seriously, am I not cuter??!!!
Loved it, so made my day! Would hate to see what you would have blogged when you were still "bitter" ;-)

Boy Mom said...

I love it! I hate speed traps! Hate them! I've never even got caught in one; Adorable Hubby on the other hand, has been to Traffic School so many times he may be teaching the class next ticket. And our insurance, Oyee!

Imperfect Mom said...

Some of us are law-abiding citizens.

Some of us are Mr. Nurse Boy.

Some of us know better than to drive down Holiday.

Some of us are Mr. Nurse Boy.

Chrisi and Silas said...

WOW! that is all I can say.....WOW!

Chaos-Jamie said...



Who doesn't know NOT to drive down Holiday? If ABSOLUTELY necessary, you go 10 MPH.

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

In his defense, we are not from here. We were unaware of this stuffy little "town" in the middle of the suburbs.

I got a ticket about 2 months before Nurse Boy did. In the same spot. The cop clocked me about 20 feet in front of the 35 mph sign. But, I was still in the 25 mph zone. He told me this himself because he pulled me over right in front of yet another 35 mph sign and said he clocked me going 39. I told him that I realized that was 4 over the speed limit, but REALLY (cue tears and quivering voice). He basically said I was a moron and proudly gave me a VERY expensive ticket.

Our kids think we are criminals now. Thanks, Lake "Snobivira!"

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Their cop car is a Mustang just in case they need to go high speed and get someone going 40.

Some of us now realize that it is on like Donkey Kong!

Some of us are IM.

At first I figured I would avoid the area like some other "law abiding citizens", who would not have to avoid the area if they were really law abiding. But then I came up with the go 12 idea and I now go that way every chance I get.

Not logical, but revenge never is.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

My favorite line from this post was "I hope your Viagra wears off." Inspired and somewhat of a troubling image.

Thank you for that!


Imperfect Mom said...

Soothe yourself with the knowledge that they built a ridiculously expensive neighborhood RIGHT by the dump.

Their precious lake is probably full of landfill runoff.

Mummy McTavish said...

You made me snot on my keyboard with your revenge list, I love it!!!! Can they book you for going too slow?

Samsmama said...

Is it by any chance Lake Quivira? I just so happen to live in your same state.

**Came here by way of Chris at Text Imps.