True Story Tuesday--Stupid Minivan

It is time for True Story Tueday, so go check it out. (After you read ours, of course!)

Two of the most reliable things in Mrs. Nurse Boy's life are me (Mr. NB) and her van. Yes, the van is also mine, but the kids insist that I have no ownership.

It is hers!

Today's story involves a time when the Mrs. was pregnant with Bruiser, our second boy. Have I mentioned that I have been neutered because I can't deal with the Mrs. being pregnant again? She was tolerable in her twenties. Once she was pregnant in her thirties, it was worth letting an old man tape the twig to my stomach and then slice and dice the berries. Did I mention that his hands were shaking the whole time?

Didn't phase me. Anything to avoid another pregnancy in her thirties.

I digress...back to pregnancy number two. Bruiser was a November baby and we had just bought a new van. This van has a safety feature of locking all of the doors about three seconds after you turn the ignition. I suppose it keeps the carjacker out or something. Well, it was cold so I went out to warm up the van for us to go for our last prenatal visit. I started the van and then went back in to help gather Dimples. We then walked out as a family and locked the front door behind us. Walked to the van and it, too, was safely locked.

No carjackers getting in that thing.

Neither were we.

I had never seen Mrs. Nurse Boy that mad. We were locked out of the car and the house. She was nine months pregnant and a force to be reckoned with. We called her dad who brought us our key to the house. We were somehow too proud to ask the neighbors to let us in their house, so we walked to the backyard to shield ourselves from the cold wind. Not our best backyard experience.

You should all know that I learned my lesson. In order to take the Mrs.'s mind off of being nine months pregnant, I planned a date that night. We decided a movie would help take her mind off the agony of a stretched and bruised uterus. I packed the van and started it to warm it up again. This time I left the driver side door OPEN. When we were ready, I walked right out to the open door holding Dimples's hand. He promptly pushed the door closed. I looked up as the Mrs. closed the front door to the house. Yes, I had locked us out of our house and our van for the second time in 8 hours. This did not get her mind off of her agony.

Let me be the first to tell you that I have never done anything to harm a singe female hormone in my life. That does not seem to matter because female hormones have abused me on many occasions. This might be the worst verbal beating I have ever received. I think I have blocked out the majority of what the Mrs. said in those next few moments, but I do remember telling her that the neighbors could hear everything she said.

She didn't care.

I didn't get to hear what she was telling me just once though. I got to hear it twice because she was echoing off the house across the street.

We missed the movie.

We did not freeze to death. The baby did finally come out. The Mrs. can now laugh about it.

But, there is a part of me that is still afraid of her pregnant.

Very afraid!

Go check out some more truth over at Rachel and Mr. Daddy's!