~Poop On Jelly~

Our Family's Bitter/Sweet Life

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

True Story Tuesday--Stupid Minivan

It is time for True Story Tueday, so go check it out. (After you read ours, of course!)

Two of the most reliable things in Mrs. Nurse Boy's life are me (Mr. NB) and her van. Yes, the van is also mine, but the kids insist that I have no ownership.

It is hers!

Today's story involves a time when the Mrs. was pregnant with Bruiser, our second boy. Have I mentioned that I have been neutered because I can't deal with the Mrs. being pregnant again? She was tolerable in her twenties. Once she was pregnant in her thirties, it was worth letting an old man tape the twig to my stomach and then slice and dice the berries. Did I mention that his hands were shaking the whole time?

Didn't phase me. Anything to avoid another pregnancy in her thirties.

I digress...back to pregnancy number two. Bruiser was a November baby and we had just bought a new van. This van has a safety feature of locking all of the doors about three seconds after you turn the ignition. I suppose it keeps the carjacker out or something. Well, it was cold so I went out to warm up the van for us to go for our last prenatal visit. I started the van and then went back in to help gather Dimples. We then walked out as a family and locked the front door behind us. Walked to the van and it, too, was safely locked.

No carjackers getting in that thing.

Neither were we.

I had never seen Mrs. Nurse Boy that mad. We were locked out of the car and the house. She was nine months pregnant and a force to be reckoned with. We called her dad who brought us our key to the house. We were somehow too proud to ask the neighbors to let us in their house, so we walked to the backyard to shield ourselves from the cold wind. Not our best backyard experience.

You should all know that I learned my lesson. In order to take the Mrs.'s mind off of being nine months pregnant, I planned a date that night. We decided a movie would help take her mind off the agony of a stretched and bruised uterus. I packed the van and started it to warm it up again. This time I left the driver side door OPEN. When we were ready, I walked right out to the open door holding Dimples's hand. He promptly pushed the door closed. I looked up as the Mrs. closed the front door to the house. Yes, I had locked us out of our house and our van for the second time in 8 hours. This did not get her mind off of her agony.

Let me be the first to tell you that I have never done anything to harm a singe female hormone in my life. That does not seem to matter because female hormones have abused me on many occasions. This might be the worst verbal beating I have ever received. I think I have blocked out the majority of what the Mrs. said in those next few moments, but I do remember telling her that the neighbors could hear everything she said.

She didn't care.

I didn't get to hear what she was telling me just once though. I got to hear it twice because she was echoing off the house across the street.

We missed the movie.

We did not freeze to death. The baby did finally come out. The Mrs. can now laugh about it.

But, there is a part of me that is still afraid of her pregnant.

Very afraid!

Go check out some more truth over at Rachel and Mr. Daddy's!


Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Hey, Nurse Boy,
You try growing a baby inside of you for 9 months and let's see how "chipper" you are. After watching you when you have a little cold, I think you wouldn't last a week.

But, I must agree. It wasn't pretty. I always wondered if any of the neighbors heard me and what they thought. Personally, I think a woman who is PAST HER DUE DATE (which I was) should be able to do whatever she wants. Isn't that a law or something???


Queen to my 3 Boys said...

Ya...Hey Nurse Boy -

I am a prego lady in her 30s. Not easy from this side either.

To have a hubby do the same, thoughtless thing - not only once - in one day woulda got me going too.

And boo-hoo to you and your 'neutering' incident. Try birthing babies and then you can come back to whine to us!

Just kidding...really.

Laughed my butt off at that post. Just glad it wasn't us. *grin*

Imperfect Mom said...

I don't know what Mrs. NB's problem was. When I was pregnant, I was a glowing vessel of baby gestating bliss. People that spent time around me left feeling blessed by the small treasure of time I gave them.

The felt especially blessed when they realized they could run faster than me.

Mrs Lemon said...

lol - twice in one day? that's great!

I am enjoying being pregnant, even twice in two years, but I find that sometimes I don't even make sense to myself. But. In 12 weeks it will be over :)

Kmama said...

I think my husband would be on your side. I will shamefully admit that I'm the least grateful pregnant woman ever. Please don't ask me how I'm feeling. Don't ask me if I've picked out a name. Please don't even ask me if I'm ready to have the baby yet. And most of the time, I didn't say "please."

So yeah, I probably would have been less than happy with being locked out of my house and car twice in the same day. But instead of yelling, I probably would have collapsed in a mound of tears.

Great story!

Emily said...

I'm with Mrs. Nurse Boy...no uterus, no opinion!
That story is freakin' hilarious. I can't say much though because I have actually done the same thing...and my children were strapped in the car too! Yikes.

Lauren said...

You are lucky all she gave you was a verbal beating! Freaking hilarious! Glad you can both laugh about it now!

Foursons said...

Oh no!!!! I can only imagine the scene that pursued following the 2nd incident. Being 9 months pregnant is pretty awful and I think the Mrs. had full authority to "rip you a new one." (Don't know if she actually said that, but I sure would have!)

Brandi said...

Okay, Mr. NB LMBLO!!! (I've been waiting to use that one). Too funny!! I'll have to say though, I was just pregnant in my late 30's and it was UGLY. I almost feel sorry for all the agony I put Daddy Bub through (but not really).

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

A week? Mrs. Nurse Boy he wouldn't last an hour. Trust me. Hubby is the biggest baby when he has a cold, let alone a human being growing inside him. Whatever. Women are definitely the stronger sex.

With all that being said, I do have to say I feel a bit sorry for Mr. Nurse Boy. Poor guy....that second time really wasn't his fault. he was trying to do something nice. He really was. And he should at least get points for that, right?

Sir Nottaguy-Imadad said...

I can relate to being locked out of my car. I locked my keys in the car an hour BEFORE my wedding. Folks were not pleased that I showed up 15 minutes before the wedding still wearing jeans.

Boy Mom said...

Mr. Nurse Boy, I think I love you. "Not our best back yard experience." I may not stop laughing for a week.

Poor Mrs. Nurse Boy. We'll have to swap pregnancy stories sometime.

Rachel said...

Man did I love this story. It had all the elements... drama, suspense, emotion, and that strange little spidey sense that something even worse was gonna happen.

Though I'm with Lisa - that second one was really not your fault.

And I totally do not get it... my husband would be totally willing to cut his boys off from the mainland, but he had a darling sweet pregnant wife who gave him a darling sweet little boy. What's up with THAT???

Anonymous said...

This is funny stuff! (Now) I know me being pregnant in my 30's is what did my dear hubby in and is what made up his mind that we are d.o.n.e.

I do agree with the Mrs. though and I don't think my hubs would last a day being prego, not to mention overdue.

I wouldn't worry too much about what the neighbors thought. Hopefully it gives them a good healthy fear of you which I think every good neighbor needs! ;)

Mummy McTavish said...

Nurse Boy, I bet you were pleased that all the most dangerous weapons were safely locked inside the house.

Were you trying to use your one little operation that they used anesthetic for as a badge of courage or to say that you took that 'desperate' measure to ensure you didn't have to deal with a banshee wife again?
If it's the first option then might I say one word again ANESTHETIC! Yeah, doesn't hold a candle to 9 months with a kickboxer living inside you OR the way that said kickboxer has to get out! If it's the second option then you'd better let us know how long we should wait before we start looking for your body.

PS. Better watch out... my Dragon seems to have a little thing for your Sweet Pea. He keeps asking to see the picture of 'pretty girl'.

momstheword said...

Hahahahaha! O.k., that is to funny. Our van locks in the same way. We have locked ourselves out of it a couple of times (and our oldest has too).

Because if it's running, and you open the door and get out to get the mail (or to go into the house), the door will shut automatically and you are locked out.

My hubby now keeps a spare key in his wallet, just in case!

Mrsbear said...

Hahaha. You're lucky to be alive, Mr. I've been pregnant both in my 20s and my 30s and the latter incited in me an unmatched fury, impatience and discomfort that is be lethal when combined.

You were smart to let the Doc have a go at the jewels. Can you imagine a 40s pregnancy?!

Pam said...

Apparently you are a wiseman that learns from his mistakes....maybe...posting comments about his wifes hormones and moods while pregnant might not be wise! lol....

Mum-me said...

You are a very brave man to 'have the snip' done by a doctor with shaking hands!

And you are a very sensible man to be afraid of an overdue pregnant woman... or any pregnant woman for that matter.