~Poop On Jelly~

Our Family's Bitter/Sweet Life

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Rules of the Road

Mrs. Nurse Boy here.

My bloggy friend, Lisa, over at Boondock Ramblings is having some squirrel trouble. You can read about it HERE and HERE. Funny stuff! So, in honor of her, I am replaying one of my favorite posts from last fall. Enjoy!

Tonight we were out driving. Nurse Boy had the wheel when we almost ran over a squirrel. Unfortunately, he swerved and missed the squirrel. Nurse Boy does NOT understand the rules of the road while driving my van. (That's right. I said it. "MY van." Everyone else around here gets to say MINE all day long, why shouldn't I?)

I should start off by saying that it is a very well known fact that I, Mrs. Nurse Boy, HATE squirrels. Hate may not be a strong enough word for my true feelings about squirrels. My children think that they must protect the squirrels in our neighborhood from their vicious squirrel hating mom. They feel sorry for them. Meanwhile we must have 500, 000 of them living within a two block radius. About 100,000 of them call my three trees home. They wave at me, make faces at me, and even climb on my screen door and make noises at me. NO JOKE! The worst is when they climb on my roof and eat out of my gutters while smiling back at me, as if to say, "Ha, ha! You are providing food for me to stay alive." The best is when I find a dead one in my yard and I scream out to the others, "LET THIS BE A LESSON TO THE REST OF YOU!" No, I don't kill them. Really. I just dance on their graves.

So, my children know the rules of the road while mom is driving. I do not brake for squirrels. I do not slow down for squirrels. I do not swerve to miss squirrels. Those are the cold, hard facts. These are non-negotiable.

In all fairness, the children have negotiated a few things for the squirrels. I have agreed not to speed up for the squirrels or swerve to hit the squirrels (which I may or may not follow all the time).

I haven't hit one yet, but I am working on it. Every time the kids see a squirrel in the road, they hold their breath. As if that will save the squirrel's life. Maybe it has. Or they are all back there lifting that little squirrel up in prayer. Those little stinkers!!!

Nurse Boy isn't going to be driving my van if he can't follow the rules of the road. You might think it is harsh, but you would be on my side if you lived in my neighborhood.

Really, you would!


momstheword said...

"I haven't hit one yet, but I am working on it." hahahaha! Love it!

I like that you have agreed not to speed up or swerve to hit one....hehehe!

We have seen a few from time to time but there aren't alot of them. Guess we just don't have trees they like to climb in.

However, you'll like this, lol!, one of the climbed up the electric pole and electrocuted itself and we lost our electricity.

I called the company who came out to see why ours wasn't working and he found it lying in my garden. He said it happens quite often.

Suz said...

There is a great band named "Squirrel Nut Zippers" , I think you might like those squirrels if you like big band music.

I've been trying to figure out a way to get rid of the woodpecker that pecks on the stove pipe everymorning @ 6AM!!!!! ARRRGH

Jillian said...

Have you seen the Geico commercials with the squirrels?? You would like it!!

Ruby Red Slippers said...

You and my dad!!! He gets so frustrated with the many squirrels who eat his stuff for the birds-for some crazy reason, we don't get a lot of squirrels in my sub...Our sub is kind of like the movie, "Over the Hedge"...I think there was a plot to get rid of them, because I never see any!
(And NO my kids are not out of school until June 9th!! It is taking way too long to end...)

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

Whoa! You are vicious! I should have had you come over with a weed whacker and you could have got rid of that squirrel real fast. Turns out there was a whole nest of them up there at one time. You could have committed squirrel genocide! Mwahaahaa!

Sir Nottaguy-Imadad said...

While teaching my eldest to drive, she nearly ditched the car swearving to miss a fuzzy bunny. I told her (calmly) if the decision was to ditch the car or hit the rabbit the correct decision is always KILL THE RABBIT!!!

Mummy McTavish said...

New rules of the Blog... You must not post anything that may play havoc with the pregnant lady's bladder! I just about ruined my cloth covered dining chair!

That was so VERY funny!

Next time you find a dead one can you stake it's little squirrely head in the yard? you know, like a warning to the others? I believe I read something about the Romans lining the roads into their cities with the heads of naughty people as a warning to those entering the city with evil intent... perhaps just the driveway instead of the whole street though.

Mother Mayhem said...

I'm on your side and I DON"T live in your neighborhood! ;o)

On Stage said...

This is so funny! My husband spent a semester in college studying squirrels. He spent most of the time on his stomach in the snow charting their every move. One day, a delivery truck hit and killed the mother squirrel so Brian and the grad student (he was working for) took all the babies in and had to bottle feed them. I have to admit they were cute, although I do understand what makes you want to "Take them out". My neighborhood is infested w/ the rodents too!