~Poop On Jelly~

Our Family's Bitter/Sweet Life

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

All Because Two People Are Saying, "I Do"

Mrs. Nurse Boy here.

So, here we are, right in the middle of wedding season. I love going to weddings. I love to farm the kids out and spend the evening with my husband while watching young love make a lifelong commitment. Mostly, I love reflecting back on our big day. We had NO IDEA what we were getting ourselves into, but we were in love. Love could conquer all, right?

We usually spend the evening remembering what it was like to go out to eat (and not ask for the kiddie menu), to live in an apartment (with a FREE, ON CALL maintenance man), and to buy what you wanted when you wanted it (and, I am NOT talking diapers and wipes). Oh, don't get me wrong, we LOVE our life now, but it sure was simple back then.

Simple and we didn't even know it.

But, I digress. I really want to discuss something deeper and much more profound.

We are right in the middle of the wedding season and I have NOTHING to wear. My dresses are around 10 years old. I have been staying home with the kids for about 10 years and it shows. I am armed with a closet full of flip flops and capris, not formal attire.

Well, I decided that I needed to purchase something trendy and cute. Something that didn't scream, "I've been staying home for 10 years and this dress has seen spit up, poop, and probably some vomit. Don't look too close or you might spot the stains."

What? Your dresses don't talk?

I marched myself right into a local dress shop and did what every mother of 3 does. I hit the clearance rack.

I know, I was living on the edge.

There I found it. A dress that screamed, "Yes, I stay home, but I can be trendy, too!" (I know that may not be what you want your dress to scream, but I'll take it. I AM a mommy with a tight budget and a not-so-tight rump.)

It also screamed, "Dry Clean Only."

I bought it anyway. I mean, my kids are older. I should be able to squeeze a couple of wearings out of it before it needed a good cleaning, right?

Nurse Boy then surprised me by taking me to a nice Italian restaurant about an hour BEFORE the first wedding of the season. You already know where this is going, don't you? Yeah, we spilt an amazing dish of Fettuccine Alfredo and it left a lasting impression...in at least 4 different spots across my chest. Yeah, real subtle. Not to mention that I couldn't blame it on the kids since they weren't with us. I was one hot mama sporting my Fettuccine stains all night long. Don't think I didn't see all of you who were whispering and pointing. And, don't tell me you were just pointing at my awesome hair. It wasn't a good hair day either.

Then, I had to pay $15 to dry clean a $30 dress after only ONE wearing.

I guess it wasn't such a bargain after all.

And, maybe those stains on the old dresses weren't from my kids. But, we will just keep that between us, K?


Mother Mayhem said...

I'm laughing. Not in a mean way, in an I know exactly what you mean way. :o)

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

I'm so glad I don't know anyone getting married. Hubby and I are going out for dinner for our anniversary next week and I have NOTHING to wear. Not only that, but I have no money. So I'll pull out some old thing I'm sure and put that on.

Man, now you have me thinking and stressing about this. Oh...now you owe me a therapy session, lady! :-)

Theresa said...

I have rarely ever been able to blame the stains on the dress clothes on babies--mine or anyone else's! It's the sad fact of being abundantly blessed, those girls just get in the way!

Brandi said...

What??? No pictures of this fabulous dress? I was getting all giddy and excited. . .I haven't been shopping in a while. I too have the mom clothes. I pull out the "good" flip flops and capris for church and that's about as fancy as it gets.

momstheword said...

I cannot wear anything without getting a stain on it, it seems. Especially if I wear white.

I don't buy things that need to be dry cleaned either, but man they make it hard to find something that isn't, nowadays!

Happy Chocolate Day!

Jewel said...

EVERY time...without fail...that we eat out, I get something on me. It is kind of a family joke! One thing, well, actually two things that don't help is that "the girls" are kind of out there, if you know what I mean! But sometimes I just wear a napkin, plain and simple! Especially if we are going somewhere afterwards! A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! LOL
And I'd love to see a picture of the dress, too!!! :-)

Boy Mom said...

Oh my Heck! We must be stain sisters. I simply cannot eat a meal with out spilling something down the front of me. Especially a meal in public, no kids to blame and somewhere to be afterward. Adorable Hubby blames the girls. Yep, those naughty ladies seem to think that they need spots, and splotches to draw attention to them.

I want pictures of that $30.00 dress, on that not so tight rump of yours.

Tiffany said...

um, yeah, I try to blame my mishaps on the kids, too, but, um, let's just say that's dishonest, shall we?

Mummy McTavish said...

Have you noticed we are all trying to live out our dress shopping fantasies through you? WE WANT PHOTOS!

I bought the dry-clean-only-$30-dress for my brothers wedding... and figured for $30 it can take it's chances on a gentle cycle in my machine. It survived.

I spill everything... right in my crotch. I've got no girls to speak of to catch things before they get that far. Frankly I'd rather people were staring at my girls than down there! Lately thought I get attractive splotches across the top of my tummy, I'm all class! I love going out shopping and finding crumbs resting carefully on the top of my belly from the last thing I ate at home, it's like a little snack on the run:)

Thanks for a giggle this evening:) and some assurance that I'm not alone. Now go get those photos posted.

Mummy McTavish said...

oh yeah, we often joke about the days when "we thought we were poor" :)

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

You all assume that someone besides me takes the photos around here. If it weren't for me, NOTHING would be documented!!!

Mrs. NB