~Poop On Jelly~

Our Family's Bitter/Sweet Life

Thursday, April 30, 2009

I HATE Lotion

Today, we present you with another golden oldie from Nurse Boy himself...

I hate using lotion.

I don't know why. I used to think that it was girly or something. I guess most of the lotion that I grew up around was scented and that is where I came up with that. It may be that in my teenage years my skin was so oily that if I used lotion my clothes would just slip off of me. My hair was thick then also, so I don't know why I did not think my skin would change too.

So in the last couple of years my hands, face, arms and back have been getting so dry I can't stand to sit around in my own skin. Recently, I have gotten over my preconceived notions about lotion and started using it. I just use whatever the old lady has around, so yes it is scented usually. Anybody got a problem with that?

I work with a lot of patients with liver disease in my line of work. If these patients have a blockage in their bile duct, or have end stage liver disease (ESLD), they develop jaundice. Most of you probably know that is when their skin and eyes turn yellow. Often people get this liver disease because of exposure to Hepatitis B or Hepatitis C. So I have to protect myself to try to prevent getting these diseases. Yesterday I noticed my skin looked a little jaundice. Just a hint.

I deal with most health problems with a handy tool I like to call denial. My wife is a bit of a hypochondriac, so we are a great pair. When the kids are sick she is sure they are dying, and I think they should walk it off.

So the wife put lotion on my back last night since I can't stand wearing clothes anymore, due to my alligator skin. Nudism is not really an option for me, so I needed the lotion. About 6:00 a.m. my wife went to the bathroom and noticed that she had streaks on her arms. Then she realized that my lotion had self tanner in it. When she told me, I knew where my jaundice had been coming from.

Did I mention that I have been putting some lotion on my dry face?

So I now look like George Hamilton and my hate for lotion has been renewed.

Nudism, here I come!


Tiffany said...

seriously - funny!
Love the George Hamilton reference - gives a great mental picture

Jewel said...

I am dying laughing here! Oh no!! Thankfully, it washes off in no time!! How funny!! BUT do keep using the lotion...just not the self-tanning one!

Boy Mom said...

I always have to tease Adorable Hubby that his love of shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond makes him just a little swishy, now I have a swishy little something to tease you about. I hear bath and Body works has a great line of lotions and scented body sprays for men ;)

Theresa said...

Now THAT made ME laugh out loud! That's impressive!

Sir Nottaguy-Imadad said...

I can see where the concern would be. Too funny. You two crack me up.

Mother Mayhem said...


This sounds like something I would do! :o)

Mummy McTavish said...

So did you not own a camera back then? Why no photos? Ugh, does no one care about their blog readers?

Suz said...

Way Funny!! Yuck that tanning lotion is streaky too.

Don't give up on lotion. Try some Cetaphil, works great. No smelly sent.
-Plug for Mrs. Nurse boy-
But if you do give up lotion, I hope it is personal thing. I am sure your lovely wife is well deserving of a nice back rub or foot massage. Mothers Day is coming up! Ya, Ya I know she isn't your mother, that's why men get married. They need someone to mother (i.e. take care of ) them. From the my reading it sounds as though she is a wonderful wife and mother.

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

Oh that is too funny. You're in a bad line of work to be a hypochondriac. My dad one time was taking some pills for his bladder..to help him go better. They were some natural things (over the counter) and I was taking them too. I noticed that they turned my urine orange, but never thought to mention this to my dad until about two weeks later when mom told me, in a very serious tone, that my dad was going to the doctor to have his prostate checked out. I asked why and she gingerly told me his urine had been a "funny color" lately. I asked what color and when she told me I asked if he was still taking the pills. He was and felt completely foolish after that. Needless to say his prostate is just fine, but his pride..eh...a little in the toilet. *snort*