~Poop On Jelly~

Our Family's Bitter/Sweet Life

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Just Keep Your Hands To Yourself and Don't Say a Word!

Yeah, if I only had a dollar for every time I said that.

And another dollar for every time my kids ignored this plea.
(I would be RICH. And, blogging from a island. Somewhere tropical. On a laptop. Not this really heavy thing full of cords, somewhere in the middle of America where the leaves are robbing me of my free time on the weekend. This weekend I'll be raking, not on a tropical island.)

My Bruiser has always been THAT child that blurts out everything and anything that is rolling around in his amazing little mind. Sometimes it makes me proud and other times I wish I were invisible.

It all started on a normal day at the grocery store. My list was a mile long and my kids were bored. To stir things up a little, I let them sit in the "Truck Cart." Fun for them, not for me. Have you ever tried to maneuver one of those things? I am pretty sure they were designed by a man who never once ventured into a grocery store with a couple of kids and an empty pantry at home. They have a small basket, are heavy, awkward, and are a booger to twist and turn through the aisles.

So, picture this:

Only, Bruiser was much smaller and sporting some irresistible cheeks. Ya know, basically the definition of cute.

That is, until he opened his mouth.

We were cruising the meat department. Then, Bruiser spotted HIM. A man in his thirties. Sporting piercings. EVERYWHERE. Wearing black leather. LIKE IT WAS GOING OUT OF STYLE. Stroking his dark black, spiky hair. BLACK AS NIGHT AND SHARP AS NAILS. And, let me not forget the tattoos. COVERING EVERY INCH OF EXPOSED SKIN.

So basically, not your average Joe at the supermarket on double coupon day.

Bruiser and I spot him at the exact same time. I try to quickly turn down the cereal aisle so I can tell him that we will discuss whatever is on his mind IN THE CAR. Not here. Not now.

But, I am not fast enough. (Darn Truck Cart!)

Bruiser says, IN HIS LOUDEST VOICE EVER, "Are you a bad guy?"

My face turns RED. The man's back is too us. I immediately think, "If he is, we are dead now!"

He seems to be ignoring us.

Then, EVEN LOUDER. Bruiser says, "I said, 'Are you a bad guy'?!"

I finally get into the blasted cereal aisle. We duck and cover. I bend down to the plastic steering wheel and tell Bruiser that he is not to say another word until we get into the van.

Not one more word.

Head on over to onceuponamiracle.com for more true stories!


Kmama said...

Bwahahaha. That's something that Buddy would totally do. And if I would say something to him about being quiet, being polite, etc., he'd say, "But why can't I say (blah,blah,blah).

Shana said...

That is too funny. Hahaha. Bless his heart.

Imperfect Mom said...

We were leaving a restaurant with AM one day when he was about three. At the time, he was REALLY into motorcycles.

As we left, we passed by a guy in full motorcyle regalia: 'do rag, leathers, ZZ Top-beard, spikes, full-on scowl on his face, etc... Think Hell's Angels, only scarier.

AM stops right in front of him, looks up and says "wow, are you a motorcycle guy?".

The guy looked down at my little man and cracked a huge smile and said "yes, I sure am". Made AM's day, lol.

It also made my heart stop, lol.

He & Me + 3 said...

Oh sweetness. Gotta love those honest engine kids of ours. Mine would say the same thing or maybe just stare. Ugh. Feeling your pain. He is so cute in that cart BTW.

Suz said...

Thanks so much for the laugh.

Where is the justice in teaching our kids about being open and honest.

Oh and what about stranger danger! My Milo will talk and hug anyone.

Lauren said...

I hate the truck buggies. I completely agree that whoever designed them has never stepped inside a grocery store!

The other day at church there was a very tall man with very long dredlocks leaving at the same time we were and my youngest girl pointed and said "he's way scary." Thankfully the man turned around and laughed and said "kids say the funniest things." I was still humiliated.

Mother Mayhem said...

These days it's hard to know for sure. I admire Bruiser's straight forward approach. Maybe I'll try it sometime. ;o)

Brandi said...

Oh lord! Bubba does this to me ALL. THE. TIME. HAHAHAHA! Too funny!

Suz said...

Hey I just posted some randomness just for you. ;)



Anonymous said...

Out of the mouths of babes! ;)

Foursons said...

You aren't kidding about those darn carts. They are so STUPID! I refuse to use them. I do however use the ones with seats behind a full size cart and have run into a few none-to-pleased elderly people who refused to move because they think they own the grocery store and the aisle they are standing in. But that's neither here nor there.

And my 18 year old, when he was about 6, yelled out to another elderly person in the store, "Hey lady! Get out of the way!" Um, yeah.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Well...what did the guy say?!

Love the photos that go along with this one.

Rachel said...

First off - I am LOVING the fact that all the other moms can totally empathize because they have their own little "non-functioning censor between brain and mouth" kid.

Remember? Mine said "BOOBIES!" to our renter as she bent to hug him.

And those carts... don't get me started. I actually RUN past the cart section and would rather drag my kid kicking and screaming and balance all my groceries in a 500 pound basket and on my head...

Mr. Daddy has boycotted them as well. Or insists that we only travel in a straight line, LOL. Don't remind me about the time Itty Bit actually got his fingers stuck in the section between the "car" and the "cart". Picture a deaf mom oblivious to everyone's stares as her child shrieks "STUCK!"...

Sorry - your post was awesome - and inspires lots of unforgettable memories! :)

Rachel said...

Yeah, I wanna know what the dude said too...!

Jewel said...

Very funny indeed! Mostly because it was you and YOUR child and not me and mine! LOL
Thankfully, they didn't have those kinds of grocery carts when Daniel was little! :-)

Emily said...

hahahaha! I'm always terrified that my kids would say something like that. THat's jut classic!!
And you're right...those truck carts are a pain in the A55!!

Mummy McTavish said...

I love your boys! I am starting to think that perhaps mine are totally normal.
Why do we still take them to supermarkets? I reckon that should be the one time it's legal to leave your child tied up outside then no one knows that the sweet innocent looking two year old, blond haired, blue eyed one that is pointing to the incredibly-morbidly obese family saying loudly "look at all those fat-fat-fatties" is yours. When he is sitting in your shopping trolley it's kinda hard to disown him. Although I have considered looking at him with shock on my face and exclaiming loudly "oh my, I've grabbed the wrong trolley again!" and walking off.

Love the photos!

Stacy said...

LOL! Yes, I think we all have moments where are small children blurt things out you don't want them to say. They need to learn how to use that brain-mouth filter. It's a painful period for us parents to go through.